You control Fate!

Last night, as he was back from the game, he made his way into his house, all the lights were off, and no one was awake. The smell of dinner has been part of the walls, and it made him feel the pressure in his hungry being. He didn't eat because most of the restaurants were closed. He searched for something to keep him alive to the next morning, and happily he got some in the fridge.
Lying in his bed, he tried to track what is going on in his mind, but it was so fast and ephemeral, and he thought that going for a pen and paper would help his mind focus on certain things and capture them, but his body was sore for that action. Struggling with his restless mind and his paining body, he realized that he was in complete confusion. But he could sleep...
Next morning, he entered the class and he could read that the teacher wrote on the board "Take Control of Your Fate!". He couldn't help but sneer as he was heading towards his chair. The teacher was enthusiastically talking about how things in life could unfold as long as you focus at what you want and work to achieve it. He remembered his cousin, who struggled two years to try to find a cure for his disease but ended up under soil before getting it. He wondered, did my cousin start his search late? Weren't two years enough? Or maybe he wasn't so focused to find a cure? But did he choose to get that disease?. Suddenly the teacher cut his mind from wandering and called his name. He stood hesitantly and nodded his head as to show readiness to answer what would be asked from him. "Could you come in front of the class and share how you could resonate with this statement"?

"Fate, this topic...it is hard... taking control of it... I-I-I w-wonder how can we take control of it?", he uttered that as he was looking at his classmates.
"Just say whatever comes in your mind; it shouldn't be like those insights presented by wise old man nor by those deeply religious sufis or buddhist monks", the teacher encouraged him to speak.

His face grew tense a bit and he always lacked the capacity of forming smooth introductions, but he just remembered a sentence, which he noted down,  from a book he read yesterday, and he thought that if he used that as the introduction even if it might seem off topic to some. He always relied on points to start a deeper conversation.

The anus and its incomprehensible, repulsive product represents not only physical determinism andboundness, but the fate as well of all that is physical: decay anddeath.

"This sentence I read yesterday resonates deeply and makes sense within myself as at some point in my life, probably 2 years ago, I developed a very focalized focus on every single twitch I experience and I was trying to track my stream of consciousness and catch it and even try to feel how my inner emotions alternate and what makes them alternate. I sank deep within myself in a very negative way, and this made me develop an absurd form of hypochondria, and I started to feel that some phobias were starting to lurk in. I was so focused on every matter that happens and try to know why it happens and how it happens and when it will happen again, and how will I live it, and how will I go on living with it. I was trying to capture what is not constant. I was trying to instill stagnancy upon a perpetually changing matter. It was very stressful and debilitating. I came to realize that what we call fate is what already happens to us but we can't talk about what hasn't been disclosed yet. We can actually know the fate of the physical, and that is death and decay, but fate of the intangible.. hmm

"Okay thanks for your contribution, you can..." the teacher tried to end his words but he continued with a heightened voice,

"Though at the meantime, I have detached from myself a bit as I am trying to make sense of the world beyond my limited creatureliness and try to realize that there is more and trying to understand that complexity is present and endeavoring to figure out every bit is in no way a sensible path to follow.
After this change, I still find myself struggling to attain certain things and whenever I feel that some form of hindrance is coming into my path, I feel deeply defeated and I start thinking how will I live with this? how will I reach what I want with this? how will I overcome this? how will I be able to go on with this? how will I be able to be me with this? and the ever deepening dig goes on.
Then here am I as well thinking about big choices in life and trying to figure out how I shall do all and how things shall unfold. The problem is that I have realized that figuring out everything is complex, yet I am not living like a person who has figured that out. I am living with the same stressful thoughts that make me feel that I must figure out every single bit in every matter and I think that I am the sole actor in my fate, BUT I AM NOT.
I am aware that superficial people may jump and say that you are in control of your fate fully but that is a bogus claim, and it is one that aligns with the lives of the very minority in the world. The majority of people are not those who are in control of their fate and lives, but the minority are. Moving to certain areas in the world, we find people who are not yet capable to express their thoughts. What is strikingly striking is that these same superficial people who call you to take control of your fate, tell you that sometimes one should not say what is in his mind, and that some things are indeed taboo. Such people fail to realize that their aims might have aligned with those who supported them, and that their aims are those that are in the normal middle when we look at a Gaussian distribution.

Life is chaotic and taking control of fate is assuming you fully understood how fate unfolds and that is utter nonsense to live with such a claim."