It is the end of the month. I did a lot. I didn’t do a lot. Life is
moving in many directions but how can something move in many directions at the
same time. But life might be different from other things. Is life a thing? Could we compare life to other things that follow a certain
track. Seems that we have been mistaken to picture life as having a single
direction. Life is fluid it seems, but it also appears at times that it has a
direction. Many conflicting and complementary ideas have been blurring his
focus of thoughts. People think that having ideas leads to clearer paths, but I
think such people have never studied math. Having ideas makes the idea of
approximating ideas more urgent. Things start to lack clarity and people start
to focus on the degree of probability rather than certainty. He left his room,
finding his way into another room, as he read that changing the environment
allows one to make different choices, or maybe even allows different sensations
to get into existence within, and by that allow different ideas to come
forward.
Not everything gets coalesced on command. A powerful idea that was
imparted upon him as he was reading. Our emotions are not formed by command.
Emotions are in very different realms. We can try to compare their formation
within us as the skill we get as we learn how to ride a bicycle. We can’t
gather students in a class and show them how to ride, and by that have them all
riding their bicycles. It was not an easy time for his brother to learn how to
ride a bike. I want to be adept in using that tool. This too doesn’t get into
oneself by command. I want to start learning one word per day, that gets into
command if you could move your body and start it, but you won’t be able to
speak Swahili fluently today, you will be able after a while. The will towards
the path is then under our command, but the end result is never formed by
command. We can draw paths, outline matters, and enlist ideas, but we can’t
live those paths, go through those matters, absorb those ideas and understand
them BY COMMAND.
Not everything gets coalesced on command. He shouted in his room, “I
am feeling desperate”, his mother called him and told him don’t feel desperate.
He told himself I don’t want to feel desperate, but he continued feeling that
despair deep inside.
Not everything gets coalesced on command. He looked in her eyes, “I
feel myself inside you”, but she told him earnestly, trying to teach him independence,
“Don’t feel you are in my eyes, you are out there”. He told himself I am not in
her eyes, but he continued feeling that he dwells in her eyes.
Not everything gets coalesced on command.
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